Where Did We Get This Child?

I know a teeny bit of her is me because she's a dancing machine but otherwise, I am perplexed daily as to where this prissy child came from. Today she wanted to play outside with the dog and I said, "Fine-but you can't go out in your pajamas." We went into her room to pick out clothes. It took 3 shirt offerings before she accepted the one I really had hoped she wouldn't want to wear. I left her with her outfit and came back into the living room. Minutes later I realize she's not out of her room yet. Did she fall asleep? I call her name. She comes rushing into the living room adorned in fancy rings, dressy shoes, a few necklaces and waaaay too much lip gloss. Lip gloss. You're going to go outside and play with a puppy and you want to wear lip gloss?
Where did we get this child? When I was her age I was rolling around in mud puddles and jumping off decks pretending to be Wonder Woman. This child wants hair glitter, lip gloss, baby dolls, a microphone (a REAL one, Mommy!), and to get a suntan in flipflops on a 50* day. I have to laugh because I've had to learn to embrace her prissyness.
Embrace prissyness. Never thought I'd do that.

And I agreed to chaperone because....

Apparently I had a momentary lapse of common sense. Tomorrow COULD have been a great day off from work, relax, relate, release, but Nooooo, I VOLUNTEERED to be a chaperone for the field trip at the diva's afterschool group. They have no school and I have no work...and I am a FOOL! I like the afterschool teachers a lot. They are young, fresh with ideas and I'd love to hang out with either one/both of them in a bar or doing board games some weekend night.
We're going to Imagination Station in Wilson and I am kind of excited. I think it'll be fun to see something new and I think it'll be a nice "mommy and me" experience. We'll drive separately (because I HAVE to have my music) and I don't want to be in a van. Ever.
I'm ready. I think.

I play with my phone too much

Today I challenged myself to update my Facebook status strictly by voice to text on my phone. As anyone knows, my work day can be mildly chaotic and there are few dull moments. I have to say, this was a challenge. I will try to translate what the status was SUPPOSED to be after what actually showed up on the screen. I did not edit it because it would not be legit if I did. I learned that my phone accepts the word Damn and even accepts the GD-version of it. (wow) but it frowns upon my other frequently used profanities.

Update #1: "Another #### train youth makeup kidding me."
Translation: "Another f*cking train. You must be kidding me!" (I had already been stopped 2 minutes earlier by another train.

Update: #2: "Money on my hardrive. Harris david pittsinger stupid ####."
Translation: "My god-you cannot drive! How do you drive, it's pitiful, stupid sh*t."

Update: #3: "Good god, it's on the floor."
Translation not needed. I had dropped my scrambled eggs on the floor. What a mess!

Update: #4: "I have no idea much they would all prostitutes."
Translation: "I had no idea today I'd be dealing with prostitutes."

Update #5: "So fast food fast food for crack."
Translation: I have no idea!

Update #6: "Tylenol or motrin for kids kicked in the head. I mean I know I'm having bourbon but what for her?"
Translation not needed. The diva got kicked in the head today at school during a randy game of crab soccer in PE class. I was on the way to pick her up from school early to assess the damage.

Random dinner conversation

Diva: "Mommy, what vegetable are we going to have with dinner tonight?"
Me: "Broccoli."
Diva: "Oh, I'm not a fan of broccoli. Can we have carrots and green beans instead?"


Since when did kids have to be "fans" of broccoli?

Living with Cranky McWhineypants

I live with "essential personnel." Yes, the Moose is considered such, even when he bugs me, someone considers him "essential." I love the snow. The Diva loves the snow. Hell, even the dog loves the snow. We haven't had a great snowfall like this in probably 20 years. I want to enjoy it. Cranky McWhineypants has to work night shift this weekend. Dude, I am sorry that you have to go to work but don't rain on our snow parade! I don't have to be back to work until Wednesday and I survived the "Others" Christmas Chaos Tour 2010 that visited my house yesterday so suck it up, Moose! Do I need to remind you that there is NO H in Whine(ypants)?! GAH!

I am faking being a good parent tonight

I am tired. The mother in law will be here tomorrow and I have, I admit, been in the wine a bit.. Ok-a lot. We are awaiting 6 inches of snow on Christmas Day afternoon/evening and I am secretly spazzing in my head. The diva wants to watch a movie. We need AA batteries. Boo hiss. We don't have any. I still have 3 things to wrap, I mean stuff in gift bags. After fake playing with the Blu Ray, the diva finally decides she'll watch the peasant ABC Family Channel and be happy. Yay. I didn't want to get up again anyway.

green purse

These past few weeks I've been dealing with a terminally ill person and trying to provide that person the gentlest way to pass on. She died over a week ago and she was homeless. I can only imagine the adventures she lived in her life and perhaps some choices that I feel would be disrespectful to judge, especially posthumously. Today her purse was delivered to me to pass on to her next of kin. All these years of living, all the hopes and dreams this lady had, are reduced to the contents of a green purse. I don't want to even inventory the purse because I just feel it would be disrespectful. This green purse...and whatever it holds...sitting on the floor in my office awaiting a reunion with its owner's loved one. I hope there is a special remembrance of the lady awaiting her loved one's inspection of the purse.
How profound to have your life's work reduced to a green purse.