Hi Ho the Derry Oh-the dog eats _________ (fill in the blank)

Life with a rescued boy puppy has definitely been an eye-opening experience since last September. I just cannot remember our late Hannah being so wild. We can't let him out of the fence without having him on a leash or he'll run for the hills. He eats things I would not consider to be a delicacy in any country. We've gone through countless water hoses, paper plates, grill/tiki lighters, shoes, and our teak bench has been gnawed beyond recognition. Did you know that puppies (well Scooby, at least) find solar lights to be great hockey pucks and eventual teething rings? Now he's going for the hammock. He's not the brightest in thinking the hammock should be eaten. He also uses the hammock to walk under and scratch his back.
Don't get me wrong. We (usually) love this dog but if his diet would be dialed back to actual dog food, that would be great. Once the weather gets cooler we'll definitely be working on obedience class scheduling. ::sigh::

The Great Earring Piercing Debate

The diva loves jewelry. Specifically, she love MY jewelry. I'm not a huge collector but the diva loves my earrings. And my rings. And my bracelets. And, ok, some of the necklaces.
When she was born she had friends who had their ears pierced as infants. I was too chicken, on her behalf. I wanted HER to make that decision. Now I wonder if I let the diva go with her decision to have her ears pierced and she blames ME for the pain, can we both get over it? Could I live with the guilt? Would she hate me beyond the teen years?
I want her to be happy. I have guilt pretty much every single day about her being an only child but things were just not in our favor to give her a sibling. I want her to have fun things to do and to be happy. I worry daily that I am a substandard mother. Yes. Every. Single. Day. I have an overabundance of Mommy Guilt. If we'd stayed in our old house I could have been a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) but I also wonder if I could be a decent SAHM but I love our house and I am not scared of our current neighbors. LOL-sorta... 
OK-so this has strayed from the whole Ear Piercing Debate. Her birthday is in October. Let's see what she decides them, m'kay?
I'll let you know! :)

Where Did We Get This Child?

I know a teeny bit of her is me because she's a dancing machine but otherwise, I am perplexed daily as to where this prissy child came from. Today she wanted to play outside with the dog and I said, "Fine-but you can't go out in your pajamas." We went into her room to pick out clothes. It took 3 shirt offerings before she accepted the one I really had hoped she wouldn't want to wear. I left her with her outfit and came back into the living room. Minutes later I realize she's not out of her room yet. Did she fall asleep? I call her name. She comes rushing into the living room adorned in fancy rings, dressy shoes, a few necklaces and waaaay too much lip gloss. Lip gloss. You're going to go outside and play with a puppy and you want to wear lip gloss?
Where did we get this child? When I was her age I was rolling around in mud puddles and jumping off decks pretending to be Wonder Woman. This child wants hair glitter, lip gloss, baby dolls, a microphone (a REAL one, Mommy!), and to get a suntan in flipflops on a 50* day. I have to laugh because I've had to learn to embrace her prissyness.
Embrace prissyness. Never thought I'd do that.

And I agreed to chaperone because....

Apparently I had a momentary lapse of common sense. Tomorrow COULD have been a great day off from work, relax, relate, release, but Nooooo, I VOLUNTEERED to be a chaperone for the field trip at the diva's afterschool group. They have no school and I have no work...and I am a FOOL! I like the afterschool teachers a lot. They are young, fresh with ideas and I'd love to hang out with either one/both of them in a bar or doing board games some weekend night.
We're going to Imagination Station in Wilson and I am kind of excited. I think it'll be fun to see something new and I think it'll be a nice "mommy and me" experience. We'll drive separately (because I HAVE to have my music) and I don't want to be in a van. Ever.
I'm ready. I think.

I play with my phone too much

Today I challenged myself to update my Facebook status strictly by voice to text on my phone. As anyone knows, my work day can be mildly chaotic and there are few dull moments. I have to say, this was a challenge. I will try to translate what the status was SUPPOSED to be after what actually showed up on the screen. I did not edit it because it would not be legit if I did. I learned that my phone accepts the word Damn and even accepts the GD-version of it. (wow) but it frowns upon my other frequently used profanities.

Update #1: "Another #### train youth makeup kidding me."
Translation: "Another f*cking train. You must be kidding me!" (I had already been stopped 2 minutes earlier by another train.

Update: #2: "Money on my hardrive. Harris david pittsinger stupid ####."
Translation: "My god-you cannot drive! How do you drive, it's pitiful, stupid sh*t."

Update: #3: "Good god, it's on the floor."
Translation not needed. I had dropped my scrambled eggs on the floor. What a mess!

Update: #4: "I have no idea much they would all prostitutes."
Translation: "I had no idea today I'd be dealing with prostitutes."

Update #5: "So fast food fast food for crack."
Translation: I have no idea!

Update #6: "Tylenol or motrin for kids kicked in the head. I mean I know I'm having bourbon but what for her?"
Translation not needed. The diva got kicked in the head today at school during a randy game of crab soccer in PE class. I was on the way to pick her up from school early to assess the damage.

Random dinner conversation

Diva: "Mommy, what vegetable are we going to have with dinner tonight?"
Me: "Broccoli."
Diva: "Oh, I'm not a fan of broccoli. Can we have carrots and green beans instead?"


Since when did kids have to be "fans" of broccoli?